The “Would” Problem: When Conditional Verbs Weaken Storytelling

This post is part of The Polished Sentences Series, focused on fixing common sentence-level issues and strengthening your writing one sentence at a time.

One small word can quietly drain energy from a memoir: would. Writers of fiction and nonfiction often use would when describing past experiences, but the word frequently creates distance between the reader and the action. Instead of stating what happened, the sentence shifts into a conditional or habitual structure that weakens the verb. Consider this example:

Pinocchio would lie whenever he was afraid.

This sentence summarizes behavior rather than showing it. Now compare it to a more direct version:

Pinocchio lied whenever fear took hold of him.

The second sentence states the action clearly. The character and the action move forward instead of sitting inside a conditional construction.

Why “Would” Weakens Prose

Overusing would creates several problems. First, it softens the action. Instead of describing what happened, the sentence suggests what might happen or what typically happened. Second, it adds distance. Storytelling works best when readers feel close to the experience. Conditional phrasing can make events feel abstract or summarized. Third, it slows the sentence. Strong verbs create movement. Would often turns action into explanation.

Where the Pattern Appears

This habit often shows up in sentences like:

Pinocchio would wander through the village streets.
Geppetto would shake his head at the wooden boy’s trouble.
Pinocchio would promise to behave.

These sentences describe repeated behavior, but they lack immediacy. A stronger approach often removes the extra verb:

Pinocchio wandered through the village streets.
Geppetto shook his head at the wooden boy’s trouble.
Pinocchio promised to behave.

Now the sentences describe what actually happened instead of narrating the possibility of it.

When “Would” Is Useful

The word would isn’t always wrong. It has an important role when describing habitual past actions or hypothetical situations.

For example:

Every evening, Geppetto would sit by the fire and carve.

Here the word signals a repeated routine. But when would appears constantly throughout a manuscript, it often signals that the writing is leaning on explanation rather than direct action.

A Simple Editing Test

When revising a memoir, search for the word "would," then ask: Did this action actually happen? If the answer is yes, the sentence will often become stronger by replacing the conditional phrasing with a direct past-tense verb. When telling a story of what happened, the language should reflect that certainty. Clear verbs bring the reader into the moment. Conditional verbs keep the moment at a distance.

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